It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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