I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
