You can't special order awesome
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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