best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
