My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
