Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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