No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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