in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
