he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my liver is dry heaving
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
