Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
