I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
