Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
