break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
