i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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