Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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