apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
