i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize