I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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