In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize