So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
