Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
