Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
