So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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