just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i think i just lost a toe
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize