Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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