the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
