saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
