I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
