Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
