She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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