Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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