If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
