it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
