i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
