He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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