I wish they made helmets for livers.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
