I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
