we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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