When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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