Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
