Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
