her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
