This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
