I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
