She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize