Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
