ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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