i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
