Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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