I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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