i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
