every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
