Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
