Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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