he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
