Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
