I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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