Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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