Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
