My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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