I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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