I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize