You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
