true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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