Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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