She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize